Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
