I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Soap is not a condiment
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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