he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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