I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
soo... how was my night?
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