Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
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