the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
