It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
