Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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