Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
