Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
