I'm really into asian looking animals
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Holy shit dude........stairs
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
