its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
