Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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