I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
