Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
