I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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