Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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