I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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