There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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