I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
