this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
