he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize