Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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