Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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