Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
