i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
