just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
