Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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