you turned your livingroom into a bong?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
