Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
