dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
