So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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