I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
