I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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