Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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