I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
