I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
