I'm going to jail i love you
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
