So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
