so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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