is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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