Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
