my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
