sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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