dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
