So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
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Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
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We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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