we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
