If that was your dad, he is hot
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
