I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
