Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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