Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
