ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize