Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
