she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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