would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
