You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
