After last night, I could never be a politician.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
