I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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