watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
