have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
