Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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