i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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