I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
