I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
