a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
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should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
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My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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