I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
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Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
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That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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