She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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