Can Purell be used as lube?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wish they made helmets for livers.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
