i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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