Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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